Interesting Biblical facts about sex that I never heard in Church

I like lists.  So, here's a list of things they likely won't tell you in church.

1. Sex is a need.  It's not a "want."  It's a need.

No Really....

Corinthians 7 ⁸ I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. ⁹ But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.

Although the scriptures are rife with passages about abstinence, self-control, and sexual purity: this one clearly states that there are folks who "cannot contain."  CANNOT.  If you're a churchy person, you might need to stop reading for a minute and let that really sink in.  Think about the implications for many of the sermons you've heard.....hmmmm.... 

Note that it says "if."  Some people can contain.  Some people CAN'T.  And the implications of "burn" are rather astounding.  Does GOD mean burn with passion, burn at the stake for being a whore, or burn in hell?  Because if one can't contain, and fornication is sin, then that person is pretty much up the proverbial creek without the proverbial paddle -- without marriage.

1.5. Therefore, it's not always an idol.

Someone without enough food would never be accused of idolatry for constantly being distracted with thoughts of eating.  Well, for some of us, sex is like that.  It’s easy for couples who are getting it on to be very smug about how sex is an idol in the life of someone who needs it and isn't having it.

Just look around you.  Why are our culture and churches so obsessed with sex?  The same reason we’re obsessed with food.  I don’t give a rip about what your satanic culture or church has said about it.  People are so obsessed with it because they either: aren't doing it the way GOD intended and can never be satisfied, or they’re obsessed with it because they’re starved for it.

I’m sick of people, including me, talking about sex as if it’s an idol in my life simply because I am consumed with thoughts of it, with limited reprieve.  It’s not an idol.  It’s an unfulfilled need.

2. GOD never said celibacy or abstinence would work for everyone.

Matthew 19 ¹² For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.

Again we see that not everyone can be celibate.  For some people it is NOT POSSIBLE.  Personally, I wish the people who can go without it would stop hogging up the people who can't go without it by marrying when they don't even need sex.

3. GOD's cure for sexual desire (what we call lust) will surprise you.

 
Prayer?  Bible study?  Locking yourself in a closet!!!  .... nope.


Corinthians 7 ² Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.

GOD's cure for fornication is indulgence.  

Song of Solomon 5:1 for example, talks about gorging oneself on physical pleasure.


4. Some marriages in the Bible seem to have been accomplished in fairly short order with sex sometimes occurring shortly after the introductions...... not exactly what the modern church promulgates.

The story of Isaac and Rebekah comes to mind.


5. The Story of Ruth and Boaz is interesting.

Ruth slept at the feet of Boaz all night long in order to get him to marry her.  Now, much has been made of this being a custom of the proper way to let a guy know that a widow wanted him to take care of her as her husband because he was the next of kin.  However, we have some interesting other clues in the story.

Naomi was the instigator.  Ruth waited until he had eaten and drunk and "his heart was merry."  Ruth laid at his feet all night and then rose up "before one could know another."  hmmm.  So we know they didn't have sex.... but they seemed to have wanted to.

Can you imagine a sweet old middle-aged widow in the church telling her young daughter in law to go to a guy's apartment and get in his bed under his covers at his feet and sleep there all night to get him to marry her?  Interesting.  I'm not sure how analagous that is to the story, but it helps me think about it in a new way.


6. Virginity isn't all it's cracked up to be.

An unmarried woman dying in a state of virginity is a good thing, right?  Well Jephthath's daughter didn't think so.  She was about to be burned at the stake and she asked to go up in to the mountains to mourn NOT that her life was cut short but that she was going to die a virgin.  And her father let her.  And every woman in the country went to mourn her for four days..... every year.


7. It's important that we try to hook women up with husbands.

Since we don't have the kind of communities and families that can effectively arrange marriages anymore, we need to look out for each other in this way.  The same way we would look out for a guy who needs a job.

The Bible story about Tamar certainly underscores it's importance for some women.

Sometimes it is better to pretend to be a prostitute so your father-in-law will have sex with you and get you pregnant out of wedlock, than to die a childless widow.

Imagine this in today's church.  What would be said about that woman?  What would the father-in-law say?

Well, in this case, here's what he said,

Genesis 38: 26 "....She hath been more righteous than I; because that I gave her not to Shelah my son."
 
And, I think we can pretty much end this section here.


The UPSHOT.

Basically the upshot is that the church is forcing some of their young people to push the boundaries on sexual promiscuity.
The church wants people to have long courtships and engagements without sex, and as the Bible shows that's simply not possible for some people.

So what are young Christians doing instead of getting married when they need to?  They're having other forms of sex, contracting STD's and getting pregnant out of wedlock.  That's what they're doing.




Side Note:

WHERE ARE THE CHRISTIAN MEN IN ALL THIS?!?!

Okay, so I have to ask..... Why are so many Christian men so willing to throw their good Christian women to the heathens?  There are Christian women out there who aren't quiet, mindless, helpless types.  But, if they can't contain their sexual desire and need to marry, and no Christian guys will marry a woman like that.... then the Christian men are forcing them into the arms of heathens.  If you're a Christian man, please see: "How Women Deceive and Snare a Man" to find out why this won't work for you.  If you're a Christian Mother of a Christian man, please stop trying to sell him on the pipe dream described in "How Women Deceive and Snare a Man."

Seven Areas to Consider

A friend of mine was telling me that he learned somewhere that there are seven traits that people look for when they are shopping for a date/mate.

So, I started thinking about the traits I've noticed that people shop for: here's what I've come up with, in no particular order.

1. Health/Looks
2. Intelligence
3. Power/money
3. Skill/passion
4. Sociability/Humor
5. Morality/Religion

His contention is that everyone is just trying to find someone who has the most possible points in all categories and that the best way to find someone you want to be with is to improve your rating in each category.

WRONG.

Perhaps a way to find a girl/boy friend is to improve your rating in each category FOR MEN, and to make sure, if YOU'RE a WOMAN, that you don't excel the guy you're after too much in too many areas.

Sad.  But true.

Although, it does give one some things to think about introspectively, and to be open to improving oneself.  What can you do to make yourself look a little bit better today?  Or, to stir up passion for a skill you have?  Have you talked to GOD today?  Or, can you learn not to back down when you shouldn't?  Perhaps, like me, you can show a little more warmth towards the people around you today.

And who knows... maybe somewhere out there is a person who will like you as you are -- flaws and all.

Some signs he's a Jerk.

It's time for me to offer up my version of the list of red flags that tend to indicate a guy's a jerk EARLY ON.  Now don't get me wrong, we're all jerks from time to time and we all do some things that are pretty poopy for other people -- maybe even one or two of those things habitually.  But, nonetheless, there are those who are more jerk-ier-ish than others.

So, here's a compilation of red flags that I know.  It would be unwise to view any of these as dispositive, as I am quite sure that there's some guy out there with quite a few of these flags, who (bless his heart) is just a dunderhead waiting for someone to show him the light -- although he truly means well.  Somewhere deep down.....   Really deep down.  Okay, so it's unlikely -- but I have to leave room for statistical possibility.

1. He has seldom ever called you by your name, from the beginning.
Pet names are cute after a while, but if you're hunny, hun, dear, and sweetie from the beginning: he's probably patronizing you which indicates he doesn't really take you very seriously.  And yes, I am from the cotton belt -- trust me -- respectful pet names are earned.  If he doesn't make you earn it, it doesn't mean anything.  He's just trying to create an artificial sense of closeness -- rather than granting you a pet name because you are close.

2. He doesn't keep his living quarters in any semblance of order.
I'm not talking disorganized here.  I'm saying that if you would not be surprised to find some bean that's lost it's way from a dirty plate taken root in one of the crevices in the sink or you can't see the floor -- he's probably a jerk.  How about this: If his place smells like food sat and rotted in his house/apt/car.... he doesn't respect himself and WILL NOT respect you.  Plus think on this: he's not gonna change that.  Who's gon' clean?

3. He tells you repeatedly that he will protect you, never hurt you, beat up anyone who does.... without you asking.
Think about this.  Why does he need to tell you that?  You can't take care of yourself?  Is there some reason to think you are in danger?  And why's he thinking about people hurting you in the first place?  This is a classic move used to attract and trap damaged, hurting, dependent women.  Jerks love those girls because they're controllable, they put up with tons of being treated like poo, and they'll have sex with them quickly and easily.  This one does not apply to bodyguards and secret service agents who work for you.  Ha!

4. He suddenly starts rethinking the relationship after he finds out that you have boundaries.
'nuff said.

5. He doesn't respect your accomplishments.
The scenario looks like this: You have a job/grade/bday/etc to celebrate that day.  He has other plans.  You say you want to see him.  He says he has other plans but will let you know.  Hours go by.  You say you want to go out with your other friends if he's (too douchey)  *cough, cough* busy to either work you into his schedule, include you in his plans, or plan something amazing for the next day.  He says he'll think about it when/if he's done doing whatever is more important than seeing you.

6. He never asks you to hang out with your friends.
This can be due to two reasons, neither of which are good.
Either:
I. He doesn't want to meet them because he doesn't want by reciprocity for you to meet his friends
       A. because he's been playing you and those folks know who he really is
          OR
       B. there's one or more women he'd like to be with in that group
  OR
II. He just doesn't really care about who you are and what you care about -- which means you're a tool for him.

7. He uses foul language around you.
I'm trying to think of situations where this would be okay.... hmmm, the exceptions to this one look something like this: you're in a war together, you are both teaching a non-native speaker the words they should never say to their boss, you're reading some new piece of bogus legislation together......   I mean ideally not even in those cases really.

Well there you have it.

That's my list for now.  Updates will come in as I go on about my life and discover new and exciting ways to tell if someone's a jerk right off the bat.

How Women Deceive and Snare A Man

As an INTP, I analyze pretty much everything around me automatically.  It's been enlightening to me to observe a few things that girls do to "catch" men -- mostly because the vast majority of it seems silly to me.  Sigh.  I long for a man who is not into the farce.

Want to know what's going on when you're not around??

Men, here's the cliff notes version of how the average woman will snare you:

1. Average is better.  She will put forth a great deal of effort to seem "normal" to you.  While she may do things to stand out from her female peers -- this will only be within a certain set of bounds, or possibly in one area only.

2. Worse than you at something.  She will make sure that she comes across as inferior to you in multiple ways, stressing how good you are at those things.

3. She will appear to have a very full life and to not need you.  She will play all the little push-me, pull-me games that men complain about, but nonetheless choose girls who play them.  For example, never calling you -- and then only sometimes being responsive when you call her.

4. She will talk about you.  She'll ignore the fact that you don't seem super interested in her past or who she is as a person, and content herself with conversations about you.

I hope that while you are being snared you realize that most of the time all of this is bologna.  Bologna is what is causing you to get to that point where you think "how did we get here from how things started?"  Or, "who is this new/different/psycho woman that is in front of me?"

The Cure for Your Naivete OR Here is what is often going on the behind the scenes in the world of women, and why you may be miserable later:

1. Average?  Few people are truly average.  Every woman I've met has something about her that is far outside the norm.  It might be an incurable obsession with spiders, or men's underwear, or maybe even a personality disorder or a desire to have a completely different life than she does right now.  You won't know this until she's got you hooked.

2. Worse than you?  Prolly not.  Women today are forced into a mold where they are required to be man, woman, parent, and child to themselves.  There may not be a whole lot that you excel her in, since all you have to be is a man.

3. Not need you?  HAHHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!  She's probably pining away after you, complaining that you're unpredictable, and analyzing and bad-mouthing you to all her friends -- all the while gathering encouragement to "act cool."  She's just waiting until she's got you hooked to bring out the emotional neediness that all women are cursed with.  Trust me.  She is irritated when you don't follow a pattern of communication just as much as the girl who is willing to admit it to your face and call you out on it.

Don't believe me?  Check out Genesis.  She's cursed with an incurable desire for your attention and to please you that will never be satisfied.  The days are coming when you will be confronted about your poor communication, inattention, forgetfulness, etc.  (assuming you do these things.)

Expectations for your behavior are coming and will be enforced upon pain of making you miserable.  And, she'll likely stop doing some of the things you admire her for -- because she was doing at least some of them in an attempt fill both her time and her need for a man -- which is now being partially filled by you.

4. All about you?  Hardly.  Just wait.  The days of rambling about her, your relationship, and requests to troubleshoot the problems in her life are coming.  Since you guys will have already covered pretty much everything about you.... expect her probing and insightful questions into all things you to slow to near zero at some point.

To summarize:

1. Almost all women are abnormal/exceptional in some way.
2. Women are capable of pretty much every activity that you are.  But don't worry too much about your ego exploding.  No woman can be capable at everything, right?
3. She needs you to help meet her emotional needs for security and self-worth.
4. She expects you to hold up your end of the relationship by showing interest in her.

So, to avoid the ugly surprise that your new princess isn't average, dumb, distracted, and hanging on every little word you say......

Pick a woman who is willing to drop the farce up front.

You can encourage this by studying/getting to know her, balancing your conversations, encouraging her to excel, and being willing to meet her emotional needs by expressing that you are pleased with her.  Positive re-enforcement will get you what you want quite well.

Become a better man so that you won't need to puff yourself up by encouraging the self-degradation of your woman.

Personally, I find a man displaying the attributes promoted by the Bible to be supremely sexy and desirable, while at the same time realizing that that is a tall order these days.

INTP Females and Sex (in a Marriage)

I'm not going to even address sex outside of marriage as I don't know much about it, and have no desire to.  I am simply not capable as an INTP female of engaging in such an important, satisfying, and emotionally vulnerable activity with anyone who won't "put out" in terms of a commitment.  No worries: it's only the rest of your life and you get a nympho in exchange.

Interestingly enough.... INTP's seem to tend toward nymphomania.  Being slightly nympho myself, I simply can't conceptualize what "excessive" could possibly mean.  

NOTE that this often puts INTP females into a  perpetual state of sexual frustration since we won't settle and our drives are outrageously high by society's standards.  For me, the act of sex is what feels normal, it feels like the way things should be always.  Any moment without sex seems abnormal, lacking, and deficient. However, I won't have sex outside of marriage or with anyone I deem to be less than worthy.  In addition to this, nothing but true male to female intercourse really satisfies.  This long-term frustration can often lead to fetishes such as sadism, exhibitionism and the like.

One thing I've discovered is that most men are not nearly as interested in or able to enjoy sex as society, or even at times the men themselves, would have everyone believe -- especially as they age.  Sorry fellas, but the truth is out.  One of my more promiscuous male friends admitted to me that the reason he has so much sex with so many different people is that he is searching for sexual enjoyment and hasn't found it yet.  (Doesn't ever experience quality sex.)  Many of my guy friends have enlightened me that they typically desire sex about three times a week and aren't really interested in much more.  (Doesn't experience quantity sex.)  I am fully capable and have a great need for both: Quality and Quantity.

This is a HUGE problem for INTP Females.

Here are some points as to why:

a. INTP females nearly fully equate sex with love.  In addition to sex, I personally don't need a whole lot else besides interesting conversation and some encouragement to feel loved.  What can I say?  I'm easy to please.  I don't really see what all the complication is about in terms of romantic relationships.

Sex defines a romantic relationship.  After all, I have many friendly relationships and have even lived with friends.  The only thing that separates them in my mind is the sex.  What else is there that's different?

b. Men are generally "full of it" about their ability to satisfy an INTP female sexually.  Wait.  That's not really a fair characterization.  INTP females aren't much capable of sexual satisfaction in terms of quantity, although they truly, really enjoy it qualitatively.  (This is the opposite of most women who frankly don't really enjoy it and consequently don't need much of it.  If you don't believe me, that's because your woman is lying to you to manipulate you.  I know.  I hear what they say about it when you're not around.  Most women have never even experienced the big O.)

What most men are capable of in their imaginations and what they are actually able to physically/emotionally/mentally deliver tends to be separated by a fairly wide gap.


c. This seems to make INTP females less attractive to most men who would rather die than have to deal with the fact that their woman's drive is going to be greater than theirs at times.  This leads to many relational problems, or lonely INTP females as their husbands move on to pornography or women who don't like sex and therefore make their men feel more like what society defines as masculine.  (A person who needs more sex than their wife.)

This is part of the reason why I will not tolerate a man who looks at pornography.  How dare he spend any time sexually with another woman, whether flat or 3D, when I'm ready, willing, and in need of his sexual attention myself!!  This is the ultimate betrayal for me, and for every single INTP that I know.  Sexual infidelity will get you set out on your keister.

d. So, if you're perpetuating the myth that men's drives are greater than those of women... STOP IT!!!!  Stop it right now!  You are adding to the general unhappiness of some fine INTP females who are always up for and in need of a good time with the right man and circumstances.

What I Want in a Man as an INTP Female

So, I ran across a fabulous list of fine qualities today and agree with every dang one of them.

You can find the article at Alanz Eyes.

Basically it boils down to the following:
1. Highly sexual - I really can't stress the importance of this enough
2. Intelligent - Otherwise, I'll be bored
3. Encouraging - Don't really need it from anyone but my sig fig, but this is non-negotiable
4. Pushes their self to be better than "good enough" - This means introspection and humility

I would add:
3.5. Will support me when I do the "dumb/non-self-serving" but "good/morally right" thing.
5. Doesn't have any sort of need to "always be right."

I quite agree, but it got me thinking about what my personal list would include and with what priority.  I mean, the four traits listed above are all things that are in common with the INTP; but, what about traits that are complementary?

Hmmm.

It would be nice to find someone who was able to see and meet practical needs.  E.g., as EJArendee says, we need someone to put a plate in front of us sometimes.

It would also be nice to be with someone with some financial sense and prowess.  Someone with the ability to make money would be extremely helpful.  It's not that I am incapable of making money -- after grad school I hope to be able to do fairly well for myself.  It's just that it's not a big priority of mine and I hate dealing with the minutia of accounting and numbers.

As much as I hate to admit it.  *grumble, grumble*  Someone who is fairly fearless would be nice.  I have to work really hard and engaging with the outside world in any sort of exciting way, and would greatly appreciate someone who was able to persuade me to venture out of my comfort zone more often -- based on my respect and trust for them.

Okay, well there you have it!!  Throw in that they are of the same religious persuasion as myself, and a strong, mutual sexual attraction and I'm ready to go with you forever -- whoever you are.

The "Pretty Girl" Curse, Addressed to Hetero Nice Guys

So, laying aside all the problems surrounding the definition of what heterosexual men find attractive, please allow me the following (possibly helpful) generalizations based on my observations:

1. Most heterosexual guys fall into one of two categories:  forceful and mean (OR) wimpy and nice.  [Now I ask you -- which would you prefer?  (Wouldn't it be easier if guys were mostly either forceful and nice, or wimpy and mean...  sigh.)]
2. Girls that "have it all" don't get asked out by nice guys a lot.
3. These girls are often lonely for authentic male attention.
4. These girls are slammed for dating jerks.
5. What does this mean for you, the average-looking nice guy out there?

It means that you have a good shot at the girl you think is "out of your league."

So, here's what I've seen -- again -- in general.

Most guys are pretty cowardly and sensitive when it comes to rejection -- particularly public rejection.  It think this is most likely based on the fact that men tend to want to be respected above all else.

So, they'll spot out a girl who seems, in their eyes, to "have it all" -- however they define that.  Then they will approach her in a way that neither conveys that they are a person of quality nor that they are romantically interested in her.  And guess what happens?  Not usually a whole lot.

It's like turning on a radio station with a lot of static.  These girls get a lot of male attention, but nearly all of it is from jerks (I'll explain why I think this occurs a bit later on).  She needs to at least have hope that you're not wimpy or unkind quickly -- or, you're out.  Wimpiness is easy to detect.  Distinguishing arrogance from confidence is not so easy.  [This comes into play later.]

These girls are used to being chased after, so if you're not up to asserting yourself -- you likely won't be able to drown out the static.

WHY GREAT GIRLS DATE JERKS

1. Jerks handle rejection well because they're pretty self-absorbed and narcissistic.  Any rejection from a woman is seen as something wrong with the girl and not them.  This is because they don't give a care what others think of them, which is largely what causes them to be jerks.

THEREFORE: The jerks are the only guys out there who approach these girls with anything resembling confidence -- thereby drowning out the static.  And, many girls can't tell the difference between confidence and arrogance until they have spent considerable time with someone.  Not many people can, really.  By that time, they're usually emotionally entangled and it's too late to avoid being ensnared.  Jerks know this.  It works for them - since they're not out for love.  And then they move on to the next "it" girl.  Thereby engaging in a string of affairs with hot women -- and adding to their narcissism.

2. Nice guys don't handle rejection well, because they actually care about what other people think.

THEREFORE: They don't appear to be as strong of mind or character right off the bat.  The cure for this is to develop confidence.  Most guys who start down this route end up staying insecure and develop arrogance instead.  This then builds the pool of jerks and diminishes the pool of decent fella's, making the situation worse.  Arrogance means being too weak to emotionally invest in the first place (ie: care what the girl thinks).  Confidence means being able to be open about and deal with the bad feelings of rejection and then continue on with your life without losing your joy.

3. Nice guys don't want to move as fast.

These girls have a lot of information coming at them and have to be able to make their selections quickly.  She's being inundated with information and has to sift through it efficiently, or risk missing that one needle in the haystack who is actually forceful and kind.  From the girl's perspective, she wants to be able to determine if the guy is a viable option as quickly as possible and move on to the next guy if not.  Oftentimes, nice guys won't go ahead and ask for the date that night -- like a jerk will.

4. These girls know your tricks.

THEREFORE: Throw out all the manipulative crap about when and how often who can call whom.  These are the tools of the insecure and the manipulator -- and she knows it.  If you get her to engage on this level -- you're in for trouble.  She knows how to play you too, having been taught by jerk after jerk.  Have your own life, things you enjoy, and stuff that you're passionate about.  Be honest about how you feel about her.  Be honest about your likes and dislikes, what you care about and what you couldn't care less about.  Try to please her, but not by trying to turn yourself into what she wants with any form of deception -- that just makes you look weak.  Confidence is more important than agreement to most women and kindness does not require you to be exactly like her.

CONCLUSION:

The reason that great girls date jerks is because many of the great guys are acting like cowards.  Go out there and get one and save her from dating a jerk.