At the heart of this INTP is an extreme need for authenticity. I am a person of intense passion and feeling, who has a keen handle on the concept of futility. I am internally open, honest, and authentic. I do not cherish, nor have the ability of some for self-deception. I cannot linger long in denial, even in times of crushing grief.
And, like anyone else who has had something fine and good their whole life, I'm simply incapable of accepting less. I do not keep to my internal world from coldness or arrogance -- as you may define it -- but because I have a mighty fine alternative to the deceitfulness of this world.
I feel the preciousness of time and do not desire to waste it on flirtatious games, the trappings of popular culture, or certain social or cultural norms that serve no purpose (other than to try to maintain power and control (itself an illusion) or to make a very few people very wealthy at the expense of others.)
I acknowledge that others cherish things like denial, pop culture, and the push-me pull-me nature of new romance. I am not so arrogant to attempt to impose honesty and transparency on others, and cannot accept less than my internal world offers. Therefore, with great sadness and disappointed longings to connect in a real and authentic way, I choose my own company over that of the self-deceiver -- a depressingly large subset of humanity.
So then, I am often lonely.
This INTP plunges usually fearlessly into any quest for the truth. I refuse to guard myself from the frightening and often saddening effects of experiencing this world, others, and even myself as it is, they are, and I am. But, I am also more richly rewarded when the truth encompasses love, happiness, pleasure, and what is good and right. I am able to enjoy these truths from a childlike perspective -- embracing these experiences more fully than most, because I am fully convinced of their truthfulness.
Most people do not have this depth of feeling -- having their pleasure dulled by cynicism concerning what is good. My cynicism is reserved only for the deceptive veneer of this world, not for things that are honestly good and true.
I am a "Tigger" that looks more like an "Eeyore" to you.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
The Hated and the Misunderstood.
After reading the insightful, validating, and quite frankly, discouraging write up by Nancy J. Barger and Linda K. Kirby about the often detested mam-i-nal of the female INTP, I've decided to snuggle up to society's disdain for my combination of gender and personality and do what any level-headed misfit might do... start a blog.
If you've made it this far, it's probably best to go ahead and read the PDF:
http://typeandculture.org/Pages/C_papers93/9Barger_K.pdf
As you would discover if you took the time to read it, that there is evidence that Americans (men and women) dislike INTP women. Americans, and several other cultures, like their women ESFJ.
I appear to you to be the very antithesis of what you are looking for in a friend or lover. According to the paper you see me as:
You think that I could not be:
And..... you'd be wrong. The problem isn't that your experience is leading to the wrong observation (evasive, wary, tense), it's leading you to ascribe the wrong motivation (sulky, resentful, unfriendly). You are failing to understand that I seem evasive because I hate being given information I don't want and am trying not to burden you with myself, if you don't want to know. I seem wary because I already know that I am not the person you are seeking to be your friend or lover -- and am just waiting for you to discover that, hoping that you will prove me wrong. I am tense, because well... I'm in a fishbowl (research study) and folks are tapping on the glass (judging me as to whether or not they like me). I'm being watched for the sole purpose of being criticized. Bad enough to be a group of people -- which always feels like an experiment to me..... but to actually be in one... O.O
Oddly enough the adjectives that most accurately describe me out of both lists are: wary, tense, tolerant, appreciative, helpful, honest, sincere, sympathetic, and understanding. So, stick that in your pipe and smoke it!!!! ;-)
If you've made it this far, it's probably best to go ahead and read the PDF:
http://typeandculture.org/Pages/C_papers93/9Barger_K.pdf
As you would discover if you took the time to read it, that there is evidence that Americans (men and women) dislike INTP women. Americans, and several other cultures, like their women ESFJ.
I appear to you to be the very antithesis of what you are looking for in a friend or lover. According to the paper you see me as:
- distrustful
- sulky
- evasive
- indifferent
- resentful
- defensive
- wary
- unfriendly
- and tense
You think that I could not be:
- tolerant
- appreciative
- helpful
- cooperative
- honest
- warm
- pleasant
- sincere
- sympathetic
- or understanding
And..... you'd be wrong. The problem isn't that your experience is leading to the wrong observation (evasive, wary, tense), it's leading you to ascribe the wrong motivation (sulky, resentful, unfriendly). You are failing to understand that I seem evasive because I hate being given information I don't want and am trying not to burden you with myself, if you don't want to know. I seem wary because I already know that I am not the person you are seeking to be your friend or lover -- and am just waiting for you to discover that, hoping that you will prove me wrong. I am tense, because well... I'm in a fishbowl (research study) and folks are tapping on the glass (judging me as to whether or not they like me). I'm being watched for the sole purpose of being criticized. Bad enough to be a group of people -- which always feels like an experiment to me..... but to actually be in one... O.O
Oddly enough the adjectives that most accurately describe me out of both lists are: wary, tense, tolerant, appreciative, helpful, honest, sincere, sympathetic, and understanding. So, stick that in your pipe and smoke it!!!! ;-)
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