It's time for me to offer up my version of the list of red flags that tend to indicate a guy's a jerk EARLY ON. Now don't get me wrong, we're all jerks from time to time and we all do some things that are pretty poopy for other people -- maybe even one or two of those things habitually. But, nonetheless, there are those who are more jerk-ier-ish than others.
So, here's a compilation of red flags that I know. It would be unwise to view any of these as dispositive, as I am quite sure that there's some guy out there with quite a few of these flags, who (bless his heart) is just a dunderhead waiting for someone to show him the light -- although he truly means well. Somewhere deep down..... Really deep down. Okay, so it's unlikely -- but I have to leave room for statistical possibility.
1. He has seldom ever called you by your name, from the beginning.
Pet names are cute after a while, but if you're hunny, hun, dear, and sweetie from the beginning: he's probably patronizing you which indicates he doesn't really take you very seriously. And yes, I am from the cotton belt -- trust me -- respectful pet names are earned. If he doesn't make you earn it, it doesn't mean anything. He's just trying to create an artificial sense of closeness -- rather than granting you a pet name because you are close.
2. He doesn't keep his living quarters in any semblance of order.
I'm not talking disorganized here. I'm saying that if you would not be surprised to find some bean that's lost it's way from a dirty plate taken root in one of the crevices in the sink or you can't see the floor -- he's probably a jerk. How about this: If his place smells like food sat and rotted in his house/apt/car.... he doesn't respect himself and WILL NOT respect you. Plus think on this: he's not gonna change that. Who's gon' clean?
3. He tells you repeatedly that he will protect you, never hurt you, beat up anyone who does.... without you asking.
Think about this. Why does he need to tell you that? You can't take care of yourself? Is there some reason to think you are in danger? And why's he thinking about people hurting you in the first place? This is a classic move used to attract and trap damaged, hurting, dependent women. Jerks love those girls because they're controllable, they put up with tons of being treated like poo, and they'll have sex with them quickly and easily. This one does not apply to bodyguards and secret service agents who work for you. Ha!
4. He suddenly starts rethinking the relationship after he finds out that you have boundaries.
'nuff said.
5. He doesn't respect your accomplishments.
The scenario looks like this: You have a job/grade/bday/etc to celebrate that day. He has other plans. You say you want to see him. He says he has other plans but will let you know. Hours go by. You say you want to go out with your other friends if he's (too douchey) *cough, cough* busy to either work you into his schedule, include you in his plans, or plan something amazing for the next day. He says he'll think about it when/if he's done doing whatever is more important than seeing you.
6. He never asks you to hang out with your friends.
This can be due to two reasons, neither of which are good.
Either:
I. He doesn't want to meet them because he doesn't want by reciprocity for you to meet his friends
A. because he's been playing you and those folks know who he really is
OR
B. there's one or more women he'd like to be with in that group
OR
II. He just doesn't really care about who you are and what you care about -- which means you're a tool for him.
7. He uses foul language around you.
I'm trying to think of situations where this would be okay.... hmmm, the exceptions to this one look something like this: you're in a war together, you are both teaching a non-native speaker the words they should never say to their boss, you're reading some new piece of bogus legislation together...... I mean ideally not even in those cases really.
Well there you have it.
That's my list for now. Updates will come in as I go on about my life and discover new and exciting ways to tell if someone's a jerk right off the bat.
