The "Pretty Girl" Curse, Addressed to Hetero Nice Guys

So, laying aside all the problems surrounding the definition of what heterosexual men find attractive, please allow me the following (possibly helpful) generalizations based on my observations:

1. Most heterosexual guys fall into one of two categories:  forceful and mean (OR) wimpy and nice.  [Now I ask you -- which would you prefer?  (Wouldn't it be easier if guys were mostly either forceful and nice, or wimpy and mean...  sigh.)]
2. Girls that "have it all" don't get asked out by nice guys a lot.
3. These girls are often lonely for authentic male attention.
4. These girls are slammed for dating jerks.
5. What does this mean for you, the average-looking nice guy out there?

It means that you have a good shot at the girl you think is "out of your league."

So, here's what I've seen -- again -- in general.

Most guys are pretty cowardly and sensitive when it comes to rejection -- particularly public rejection.  It think this is most likely based on the fact that men tend to want to be respected above all else.

So, they'll spot out a girl who seems, in their eyes, to "have it all" -- however they define that.  Then they will approach her in a way that neither conveys that they are a person of quality nor that they are romantically interested in her.  And guess what happens?  Not usually a whole lot.

It's like turning on a radio station with a lot of static.  These girls get a lot of male attention, but nearly all of it is from jerks (I'll explain why I think this occurs a bit later on).  She needs to at least have hope that you're not wimpy or unkind quickly -- or, you're out.  Wimpiness is easy to detect.  Distinguishing arrogance from confidence is not so easy.  [This comes into play later.]

These girls are used to being chased after, so if you're not up to asserting yourself -- you likely won't be able to drown out the static.

WHY GREAT GIRLS DATE JERKS

1. Jerks handle rejection well because they're pretty self-absorbed and narcissistic.  Any rejection from a woman is seen as something wrong with the girl and not them.  This is because they don't give a care what others think of them, which is largely what causes them to be jerks.

THEREFORE: The jerks are the only guys out there who approach these girls with anything resembling confidence -- thereby drowning out the static.  And, many girls can't tell the difference between confidence and arrogance until they have spent considerable time with someone.  Not many people can, really.  By that time, they're usually emotionally entangled and it's too late to avoid being ensnared.  Jerks know this.  It works for them - since they're not out for love.  And then they move on to the next "it" girl.  Thereby engaging in a string of affairs with hot women -- and adding to their narcissism.

2. Nice guys don't handle rejection well, because they actually care about what other people think.

THEREFORE: They don't appear to be as strong of mind or character right off the bat.  The cure for this is to develop confidence.  Most guys who start down this route end up staying insecure and develop arrogance instead.  This then builds the pool of jerks and diminishes the pool of decent fella's, making the situation worse.  Arrogance means being too weak to emotionally invest in the first place (ie: care what the girl thinks).  Confidence means being able to be open about and deal with the bad feelings of rejection and then continue on with your life without losing your joy.

3. Nice guys don't want to move as fast.

These girls have a lot of information coming at them and have to be able to make their selections quickly.  She's being inundated with information and has to sift through it efficiently, or risk missing that one needle in the haystack who is actually forceful and kind.  From the girl's perspective, she wants to be able to determine if the guy is a viable option as quickly as possible and move on to the next guy if not.  Oftentimes, nice guys won't go ahead and ask for the date that night -- like a jerk will.

4. These girls know your tricks.

THEREFORE: Throw out all the manipulative crap about when and how often who can call whom.  These are the tools of the insecure and the manipulator -- and she knows it.  If you get her to engage on this level -- you're in for trouble.  She knows how to play you too, having been taught by jerk after jerk.  Have your own life, things you enjoy, and stuff that you're passionate about.  Be honest about how you feel about her.  Be honest about your likes and dislikes, what you care about and what you couldn't care less about.  Try to please her, but not by trying to turn yourself into what she wants with any form of deception -- that just makes you look weak.  Confidence is more important than agreement to most women and kindness does not require you to be exactly like her.

CONCLUSION:

The reason that great girls date jerks is because many of the great guys are acting like cowards.  Go out there and get one and save her from dating a jerk.